Campaign to Fill Neyland Stadium
Now that former Vol Ball Head Coach Bruce Pearl has taken a job as V.P. of Marketing for Knoxville-based H.T. Hackney, I am consumed with an idea…
Only 94,661 came to see the 2011 opener at Neyland Stadium Saturday night, which is probably the lowest attendance for a home opener since the current stadium configuration was created: 99,123 last season; 98,761 in 2009; and 98,205 in 2008.
Well over 100,000 in the years before that – 108,625 in 2004!
So, now that the Vols seem relatively incapable of filling old Neyland Stadium on a weekly basis – my unofficial count is 5 home games in 2010 were below capacity – there must be an explanation.
And, a solution.
You might say it is the total prices for tickets, concessions, etc. That’s not going to be tinkered with for obviou$ rea$on$.
You might say that it is just too easy to sit at home – with a big couch and all of the chicken wings and cold beer close at hand, and the glorious invention of HDTV – and not have to drive. That’s today’s world of consumer technological convenience.
Well then… perhaps we simply do not have enough fans.
Perhaps what we need is a creative public relations campaign.
We don’t need bling. We just need something more imaginative… a little off beat…
A campaign video. Yes, a campaign video.
It opens with a Vol fan standing in front of a half-empty south end upper deck in Neyland Stadium. Above, on the giant scoreboard are the words “There’s a problem: there aren’t enough of us.”
Then the voiceover says there is a solution. The camera zooms to the fan’s crotch…
Next scene: The fan is in a sperm donor clinic in West Knoxville, being given a plastic container… and a DVD entitled Tennessee’s Hot Zombies.
Or, Zombies Calientes de Tennessee, for our hispanic fans.
Next scene: there are young women in a room. Beautiful women. Walls are bespeckled with Tennessee Vol posters, pennants, and the like. A poster of Coach Dooley with perfect hair adorns a wall of his own.
These incredibly beautiful women are drinking a potion – it turns them in to sex-mad zombies! [Is that Layla K. in the corner?]
The fan has no problem making a donation.
Next scene: A woman is holding a baby. A NEW VOL FAN!!!!!!
A new generation of Vols for Life.
Now, our campaign video closes with a graphic representation of a sperm entering an egg which turns into a Power T.
And words appear… “The more the better.”
A voice closes our film by saying that the video is available not only at all sperm banks throughout the state, but also at all Cas Walker and Piggly Wiggly stores as well as some newstands in the greater Knoxville area.
OK. You are thinking that Norcalvol has simply lost his mind. Hmmmm…
No. Instead, perhaps Getafe Football Club did.
It was their idea.
Have a peek at their promotional video – they are a Spanish soccer team who play in Spain’s top division (La Liga) and are located near Madrid, having a helluva time competiting for fans with kingpins Real Madrid and Atlético Madrid.
They have used the video this pre-season. The names are changed to protect the innocent.
Could this work in the Volunteer state? One can only hope…
Back in my student days, this could have been a hit at the Bijou Theater on Gay Street.
“Go Big Orange!” yelled someone near the front, as an orange was rolled down her bare belly on the giant screen…