Don’t Never Fight a Fat Man

On Monday night, Ben watched the Auburn-Oregon game at Luther’s lakefront house. As the confetti poured out of the indoor sky, Luther gave him a look, at which Ben responded, “You remember what my Daddy told me when I was in grade school, Luther?”

Ben, who weighs a hair under 300, smiled and replied, “I sure do, buddy.

“Don’t never fight a fat man.””

Oregon's Darron Thomas, left, fumbles as he is hit by Auburn's Nick Fairley during the second half of the BCS National Championship game.

You can have your Cam Newtons and Michael Dyers.

Give me Nick Fairley. The Auburn defensive tackle, all 298 pounds of him, had five tackles behind the line of scrimmage, kicked a Duck in the head, and tried to twist LaMichael James’ head off while he was laying defenseless on the ground.

He also committed numerous other acts of mayhem.

That’s trench warfare.

That’s why Auburn prevailed.

The fat man won.

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